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Three years ago I set out on a journey and exploration of myself and China. Now I sit here, seeing the greater purpose of my life, direction, and vision. It was never just a bike ride for me…it was something so much more.
Oh dear God, Allah, Buddha…it’s been ages since I’ve sat down and pecked out my thoughts to share with you and you and you and you and you.
Here I am, sitting in Dayton, Ohio listening to some modern folk, alt-country rock and sipping my herbal tea with soy milk…my stress at an all time high (unable to sleep and eat) and my back in constant pain. Okay…okay…okay…here we go. Are you ready?
Like I’ve stated here before, “I’m more woman than you could handle.” I know this simple fact about me, but here in the other “real world” when I’m sitting here alone in my room behind a flickering computer screen hoping for a loving transmission from anyone…the doubt creeps in faster than the cold into my feet on the Tibetan plateau.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to go on a date. I have no desire to have to do all that relationship stuff because I just don’t have time or the energy for it. Everything in my life, I have made or chosen, is difficult and love is one thing I feel like I shouldn’t have to work so hard at. Frankly, because, well I deserve it…damn it! (To be quite honest, I’m not yet over something of the past.)
Okay, I’m trying to keep this cohesive and lucid, before I run off the rails.
I do NOT have “balls”. –edit- Perhaps this just comes with being in a territory that is predominately men. My hair has come up in conversation close to a dozen times and I really doubt men have these types of comments made to them. For the record, I do not shave my armpits or leg hair…so men make comments about this and sometimes it goes further. I’m realizing that the people who make these comments to me are making cheap shots because I threaten their masculinity. Such a pity. Such a pity that a human life form that has a frailer bone structure, less muscle mass (generally), can conceive and birth life form, has a higher thresh hold for pain, and generally better at endurance challenge your XY chromosome. -edit-
This is not to be a men bashing post at all because some of the worst bullying I’ve received in my life was from female peers. Also, I want to state that all the men I’ve traveled with were always decent. Most of the men I’ve crossed paths with on two wheels have been, there are a few rotten ones I have encountered…or maybe it was over inflated egos.
I was a “tomboy”. The only girl in a neighborhood of boys. The baseball was hit further, the tree was climbed higher, and the punches thrown harder. When I got tired of being the “nurse” when playing “war” or having to tend to the fort while the boys were out hunting and gathering…I would retreat to my room and play Barbie’s – ALONE. Once a week I would attend Girl Scouts and my dance classes that went on for about eight years – the one thing in my life I regret giving up. I wasn’t all boy, I was still a girl…with long stringy tangly brown hair.
There is a memory of getting ready for my First Communion and I remember looking at my knees. They looked horrible…scabs, cuts, bruises continuing all the way down the calves. Of course I couldn’t remember how I got them, of course outside having fun as any normal child would. My mom told me it was nothing but I remember looking at other girl’s legs and they didn’t look like mine. I knew I was different from a very young age, and it’s been a battle every day.
The internet personality, the Wander Cyclist, probably appears cute and confident. You may think that I was a pretty popular girl growing up. “Popular” if you mean teased and gossiped about. If you mean not getting invited to slumber parties, and later on “make out” parties. I always had the pretty friend (or “easy”), where I was left in the shadow. Ellen of yesteryear was terribly awkward and “different”. A very small southern town in Virginia, I always knew I didn’t belong with the masses. With the gangs. With the others.
Maybe the reason I’m so “tough” now, why I can handle what I’ve put myself through is because growing up was far from “easy” and “comfortable”.
Gender roles. This is what I’m trying to get to. Defining attributes, physical, mental, and emotional.
It’s 2013 and I’ve been reading articles on the internet and following some popular culture. What is with all this women bashing.? I’m also talking about women bashing other women, i.e. a woman stating that a cheerleader was too chunky to be cheering. What is wrong with us, WOMEN?! Damn it, you and I have it hard enough and then we go around criticizing one another for their body type and what we’ve chosen to cover it with.
Why is that the only thing a woman has to offer society is her looks?
Just go take a gander at any modern man’s magazine and look at the imagery of women. That is not real! Real women do not look like that. Real women have something so much more to offer. Real women are mother’s taking care of their children, with extra weight and perhaps stretch marks. Real women are the ones in politics fighting for justice, using their brains. Real women are those that are on the front lines in our military. Real women are the ones that live for themselves, that better themselves, that have something more to offer this world than a good pair of perky tits and a slim waist.
I recently watched the first two minutes from a comedian, Miss Marbles, and she was ranting about the people she hates at the airport. She spent two whole minutes explaining how she doesn’t trust girls who can travel with only a backpack. “What kind of girl are YOU?” I’m watching her overly made up face, and coiffed hair to have a “messy” look ramble on about how her makeup takes up a certain amount of space. I don’t know Miss Marbles, what kind of girl AM I? Yes, I do wear makeup…stick of eyeliner, mascara, one eye shadow, and maybe a lipstick or two. Simple. Yes. Hey, and get this…I love wearing dresses too. One major reason is because I have difficulty with pants because of my cycling legs. What kind of girl AM I? I’m a girl that wears sports bras all the time because wires jabbing into my rib cage are uncomfortable and only to give perky breasts for the benefit of WHO?
Am I a woman?
Well, I’m beginning to think I’m not by the standards that are sent through the media. That I may never be. I honestly should quit spending time on this question because I know something most people will never know. I know me. I know who I am, what I stand for…I can spend days and days with only myself. No fear of what I may learn or realize. Comfort with who I am.
This isn’t so cycling and tour related, or even photography related but I really felt like some things needed to be stated.
I do think my tour took some characteristics away from me that are usually deemed “female”. OR…or…MAYBE, JUST MAYBE…I never had them to begin with and my struggles pre-tour was more about trying to fit into what was expected of an XX human.
Maybe we are all a blank slate and we become conditioned by media, friends, and family to fit into a certain gender mold. I know that straight men who may be seen to have female characteristics have it much more difficult than us straight females. So, to conclude this post I’d like to ask all of you to do a simple challenge is to drop the definitions, to quit being a “man” or a “woman” and just be you.
With these conclusions, I do know that when I’m ready for love it will not be a man and a woman, a boyfriend and a girlfriend, but two completely equal human beings. Undefined. The other will not define the other. The relationship will not define anyone’s worthiness. Each will be a protector. Each will be a provider. Each our own. The most important, the respect of each other’s solitude.
Well folks, I’m not sure how this went but I hope you can take something from it. Mostly, I hope some little odd ball girl stumbles across this post and realizes she is far from alone. That the whole wide world is out there, waiting for her. That she has the courage to do it alone…and it’s best that way.
Men make comments about how there are few women like me out there in the world. Well, I’ll tell you this, by the amount of private emails and notes I know for a fact a lot more of us exist. But, it’s a fact we are more difficult to find and even more difficult to catch. You’ll find us tucked away in bookstores, on a lonely trail, in a tent on a plateau, in an NGO office in some far off country, or as simple as standing alone in the grocery with a frozen pizza under one arm and debating over which micro brew to indulge in for the evening.
Don’t forget about the Etsy store. I’m trying to raise funds for my big move back to Shanghai and unfortunately things aren’t going so smooth. I ACTUALLY cried last night. I thought I couldn’t do that anymore…I’m trying to soften up. The life on a road has toughened me up, perhaps too much. A boy nicknamed me “Ice Princess” in my early twenties…and I guess it’s just gotten colder since then. But we all know that usually the people with that thick and cold exterior are often the softest, warmest, and most loving under it all.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/MosemanPhotography
Also, my website is under construction, 4 portfolios up now. Go check it if you’d like to kill some time today. Ah, yes, and the book for the Kickstarter rewards is in progress, and additional will be for sale.
I’d love to write more, but maybe I should save some stuff for that book I’m supposed to write someday.
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
I feel that most of these rules can also be applied to daily life, on and off tour. Also, ladies, you can apply a lot of these rules to your own actions. Thank you.
First, approach with chivalry, a stoked attitude, smile, a beard of any type, and offer a beverage or snack. (A babe will NEVER think lesser of you for kindness.)
– Do not bitch about how she can not ride as hard or fast as you. Do not complain about having to wait up for her. If you have a problem, offer to take some of the weight in exchange for volume. Honestly, if someone offered to take my weight, I would probably say, “no”…but we’ll see how I handle that in any future situations.
– We are still women/ladies even though we may live like a beastly animal and be a babe. Please remember this and treat said babe as you would your sister or mother. We still have feelings.
– Approach the flat repair with care. If the babe is having a “bad day” she may snap if you offer help bc she may feel you are doubting her babe ability. If sheis having a good day, perhaps offer to change the flat but if she is a real babe, she can do it herself and as quickly. Depending on the situation. This is tricky…perhaps only offer help if the babe is getting frustrated and you can approach the situation without insulting her. Such as feeding a baby bear…
– Do not expect the babe to do the cooking and clean-up…you will get bitch slapped.
– Privacy for the daily “activities” is always appreciated. No PEEKING!
– When chillin’ in the hot springs/lakes/rivers…keep your eyes to yourself and behave. A little curiosity is okay, but don’t let the babe catch you. Don’t kid yourself and think the babe isn’t thinking about sneaking a peek.
– When we use our lady appeal to get situations taken care, freebies, or just takin’ care of business…please give us some thanks. Realize that we may feel like a cheap prostitute using our babe powers to get what we want. We will, in return, thank you when you whore yourself out as well.
– When said negotiating is taking place and the babe is responsible because of language skills DO NOT throw tantrums on the side line about the price. First, you will embarrass yourself and just frustrate the working lady. We have too much to deal with and we don’t need you over there behaving like a 7 year old. If we wanted to travel with kids, we would.
– Do not expect the babe to work her babe skills for negotiating/etc just b/c she is the babe. Although, if she is awesome, she will take up the challenge without a second thought. Both should know their skills and when to use them in the appropriate situation.
– NEVER EVER EVER…AND I REPEAT…NEVER…CAN I SAY THIS AGAIN…NEVER EVER doubt our map reading or navigational skills. You will see hell. (Ladies DO NOT LET ME DOWN…if you plan on riding…please rep us well.)
– When the babe tells locals that that you are married, for safety issues and just because it’s easier…please do not tell them you are not, later on while pointing in said babe’s direction giving a disgusted look and waving your hands around. (Locals do questions why a “couple” have separate tents. Now, I’m not sure what my reason was for that but I told them something. I experimented with all different situations of who we were, husband/wife or brother/sister seems to work the best.)
– If the babe has the language skills and is pulling your weight, do not give her shit in a restaurant or bus station when her reading skills are limited. How about this, for anyone, man or woman…show a little gratitude and thanks when someone is doing the best they can to take care of the team. This goes around for bike touring and life…again, don’t be a selfish jerk.
– Do not flirt with the local women so obviously (and borderline vulgar) in front of your partner. That makes her look like dog shit to most locals – it’s just down right insulting. Sure, we understand you have desires and wandering eyes…but just don’t do it so blatantly next to the lady. How about this, just be a damn gentleman to the local woman…that will take care of this point all together. Don’t be a douchey perv.
– Please await our arrival up the pass…and not to sell babe power short, the babe will await your arrival too!
– It is okay to spend the day riding alone, please don’t be hurt if we want some alone time. Check your cell phone for texts.
– Grow a beard.
– When you arrive to the 3rmb “shower place” – do not be an asshole because she took 20 minutes. (Alert: We are still ladies and enjoy a hot 50 cent shower every now and again.)
– Again, don’t be a jerk.
– We are women, there are things we physically can not do. Do not be an ass about it. (Women, get some muscles.)
– Again, DO NOT EVER, EVER…AGAIN…NEVER DOUBT her babe skills. (Ladies, do not ever emasculate a man on the road.)
– Granted, some of us babes are not the best mechanics. It’s much appreciated when you sit with us and guide us through hub maintenance and spoke repair. Do not just throw a tool in our hand and say, “do it”! and walk away. Seriously, wanna turn on a lady…help her with mechanics. Talk her through it and it’s a great time to show off your manly skills. Again, greatly appreciated.
– When setting up camp, aka squatting in parks or cities, take turns doing the beer run. Should be a 50/50 endeavor. Hey, actually, everything should be a 50/50 endeavor…anytime, anywhere.
– Compliment the babe’s bike. It means the world to her, as your’s does to you. If she offers you to give it a ride…you have made it to “buddy” level. Don’t be snarky about anything about her bike…ladies, be sure you return the compliments.
– Try to offer good conversation. It is also nice if you listen every now and again. Camp conversation revolving around you can get boring at times. Yeah, while we are on that one…be a good listener. In general…when it comes to discussing route/etc. Please do not be a “know it all”.
– Bottom line: Don’t be a douche, don’t doubt skills, do not expect the partner to take on more than 50% of responsibility…this goes for BOTH riders!
And ladies…don’t EVER expect a man to take on more than his responsibility. Don’t be a twat and be well prepared. Do not expect extra muscle power from him, do not expect for him to take on duties because he is a man. Do not whine, do not bitch, do not nag (he probably is running away from that shit at home) and keep your crying to a minimum…and hopefully somewhere private. In all reality, the crying is just because you need some private/deflation time. Men, do not joke the lady if you see her crying – again – you must realize we are different creatures.
Also, ladies, be sure to help the dude not use his beard as Tupperware. Don’t be afraid to offer help for picking knots and the beginning of dreads out of your male partner’s hair. It will probably be appreciated. Just be a lady, it’s as simple as that.
Comments are greatly appreciated, especially rules for babes meeting that dude on a bike.
The day started beautiful and ended beautiful. Even though we had to backtrack and most of the day was up. It being a Tuesday we had the road nearly to ourselves the entire stretch. At one point we going on a stretch, like most of it, with no homes no people and they were re-paving the road. No traffic and fresh tarmac (and not the type that sticks to your wheel). Jason told me a story about a cyclist touring Japan and how he would ride naked through these types of roads just because you can…there really is no one.
I’m really happy we went east because the last part of the day was down hill and zig zag, like WWWWWW. I clocked myself at 53km/h at one point. Those are the moments I love…finishing a long day with the wind zipping through your helmet and able to go that speed because of the lack of cars.
Of course we arrive to Toucheng racing for the last of daylight.
We ride to the coast and find a park and debate about camping. It’s right next to beach, the wind is whipping us around, it’s wet, a little cold and if you look at the map…you can see we put in a hell of a day.
Earlier we had ridden past this vacant apartment style building and Jason and I had both chatted about how it appeared it could of been a hotel but the front roll gate was pulled down. Jason asks the security guys where there is a hotel. WEIRD, they ask us if we want to stay there! So after some phone calls we are escorted to an ocean view room for about 12 USD. It turned out that it is a hotel/beach resort but we just happen to be there in the off season. Amazing hot water and comfy beds…along with wifi and cable tv…all I need.
It's really difficult to get out on the road at 7am when you walk out on your balcony to see this. Damn.
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mei hsiang
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We had ridden by here yesterday when it was open. The wood is for firewood, to heat up those urn type things in the background. They cook something that was obviously very VERY popular when I saw it the previous day. Yeah, backtracking kinda sucks. It wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't had such a long first day and had been able to enjoy where we stayed.
More climbing to start the day off...but a top a beautiful tea field.
Tea fields are more impressive in person...and where are all the people. Taiwan and China are completely different. If you want a tour with very little human interaction...this is your place.
Tea time.
Peaceful. Everywhere.
This is what we've been riding through and up...lots of moistness to add to it all.
Finally, the direction I like to go...down like WWWWWWWWWWW.
The end to a long day.