I’ve been stranded here for too long now and I feel myself going down that road to dark places, too much time to think. Been carrying a heavy heart and thinking about a lot of stuff. Waiting for myself to snap back to where I should be going, teetering on sanity and blowing a fuse (3 screaming dogs and employees don’t help). Grappling upwards, away from that dark pit of grossness. Since temporary lobotomies aren’t available and there was no package of lucidity arriving at my bed in my mornings – I had to find something to get back to land.
Not sure how it happened but I remembered that not only is photography my career, but my therapy.
If you’ve known me for awhile, you will remember that during Undergrad I concentrated on self-portraiture a’la Cindy Sherman. It followed me for a couple of years afterwards but then I dropped it. Not sure why, it just wasn’t exciting or fun anymore. Maybe I had finished my self therapy sessions and needed to move onward. Or it kind of freaked me out to see my face and body get older.
So, here, in Urumqi…where every day seems almost like the last and prepare for the next that will seem like today…I’ve gone back to my productive therapy.
View from my window
As I’m preparing images, my jade heart and St. Christopher drop in my lap. Omen?
Hell, either way…after a hours of Skype’ing and some photo therapy, my heart and mind are on it’s way to a recovery.
Perhaps I’ll get a good night sleep, finally. Battling insomnia for about 7 days, with no real Crash and Burn. My roommate last night didn’t help with his snoring on inhale AND EXHALE!!!! Then he was going to carry on a conversation with the other guy before sunrise. I love being able to shout my irritation in Chinese…with a “buhaoyisi” after exclaiming they are being rude. If I hadn’t been so groggy and my Chinese better, I would of let him know a bit more of how I was feeling…but a good “HEY!!! I want to sleep!” got the point across clearly.
I hope to visit the donut lady tomorrow…jonesin’ for some homemade glazed donut chunks.